Tuesday, April 16, 2013

The power of paranoia

Most people know by now that I can't handle scary movies... like at all. They get into my head, and I can't forget them and then no matter how insane they are, I still think it's real. So you'd think that a movie like "Taken" wouldn't be so bad... it's not your average "horror" movie. But apparently I can't even handle that type of thriller.

I've been paranoid for months since I saw that movie. And it really doesn't help living in a townhouse where I can hear my neighbours on either side of me. The floors are creaky, the walls are creaky; there are noises all the time.

I've always been somewhat afraid of someone breaking into my house when I'm home alone, but now I've taken "neurotic" to a whole new level. It stared with just locking the bathroom door while I'm in the shower, and sometimes my bedroom door when I'm blow-drying my hair.

So today I was in the shower (with the bathroom door locked because I was home alone) and I heard a really loud noise which I SWEAR was in my house. Yes it could have been our neighbours, but I panicked. So I took my sweet time in the shower - because the door was locked and I didn't think they could break in to the bathroom. But I was set on having a backup plan in case someone was actually in the house, who wasn't one of my roommates.

So I'm thinking to myself: Self, your phone is in your room. As is your computer. I think my last hard drive back-up was about 2-3 months ago. That's not too bad. As long as they don't also steal my external hard drive, I think I can recover. And if anyone stole my phone I could finally use that "Find my iPhone" app that I've never tried before! Okay, focus. Because if there are men in the house, they probably already have your computer and phone and are hiding behind your door ready to attack and possibly rape you. What can I use around me to fight off or scare my attacker long enough to get away?... I HAVE RAZORS! 

So literally I finished my shower and grabbed my razor (which is a 4 or 5 blade Venus razor and was really designed not to cut you... thanks Gillette...). I turned off the bathroom fan, pressed my ear to the door and couldn't hear anything. But that didn't mean anything. So I cracked the door open, looked both ways down the hall and when the coast was clear I snuck down the hall to my room, all the while having my razor at the ready. I swear I felt like a SWAT team member the way I ducked around walls, checking around corners with my weapon ready. My room looked clear. No one was behind my door. So I did a quick scan, checked under my bed, in the closet and finally decided that no one had broken into my room. So I put the razor down... but again, locked my bedroom door while I blow-dried my hair. I even kept my eyes on my door handle - just watching to see if someone on the other side was trying to turn it.

At this point I realized I was probably safe. So upon going downstairs to make lunch I saw that a large skillet had fallen off of the drying rack and onto the floor. The loud noise had been the pan hitting the hard floor. But how the hell did it fall?!? It had been there for HOURS! Completely stable on the counter. So ... I either have ghosts again or some magical force pushed the pan off of the drying rack ... I really don't know. Either way, no one was in my house, but I am still forever scarred by that movie. I think I need CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy)...