Tuesday, April 2, 2013

The Little Engine that Could... NOT stop barking!

I'm proud of the fact that I can usually ignore most background noises, but tonight my ears were intrigued; And during that temporary distraction, I picked up on an awful and repetitive sound.

There is a little yappy dog just going to town in the backyard of my townhouse complex. I mean, this thing is seriously like a broken record.

At first I thought, Oh man! What's going on in the backyard?! Maybe this dog has caught a burglar! Maybe someone is sneaking onto the property and this little guy is going to save the lives and electronics of everyone in the neighbourhood!

So I ran to my window and peered out onto the street. And then I peered down into the yard. And then I turned out my lights, so that the burglar couldn't see me peering out the window at him. I even did the sneaky, hiding-behind-the-curtains peek, just in case.

Alas, there was no one around. So I can't figure out why this little dog is still barking. Not kidding, it's been 20 minutes and as I type this, he is barking at a rate of 32 barks per minute (yes, I actually timed it). That's 640 barks from when my ears first perked up on the sound. Seriously, how are my ears not bleeding right now?

I mean, first of all, I feel really stupid that a little dog could trick me into thinking he was this amazing watchdog. And now I just can't believe that the owners aren't concerned. If I screamed 32 times every minute, I think my larynx would fall off. Okay, that's a bit dramatic, but still. How does that dog not have a headache? I have one just from listening to it.

Let this be a warning to all animal owners: If you live near me and your dog barks 32 times per minute for more than 5 minutes, you may start to find little bits of chocolate on your lawn. If you plan on leaving your little dog outside to bark for a half hour, I will not hurt your dog in the dog-killing sense (much like in that Seinfeld episode), but I will contribute to him violently shitting all over your house.

I'm all for having pets, and I really do think that puppies make the world go round. I think that the cure for cancer might actually be having a box of puppies dumped onto your lap. But if you have a dog, please tend to it and don't feed into the whole barking-at-the-neighbourhood-for-absolutely-no-reason for abnormally long periods of time. I'm sure there are people out there who can help you train your dog. And if that isn't an option, maybe go out and check on your dog if you hear it barking.

Maybe I'm being crazy, but it's just a thought.
Also, I promise I won't resort to the chocolate just yet. I really do hate wasting good chocolate...