Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Relationship fires and fizzles

A classmate of mine posted an article of FB entitled "ARE YOU WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?" And I found it interesting... 

It outlined how "falling" in love is passive and easy. It's the exciting or "honeymoon" phase of the relationship. You don't have to do anything... it's something that happens to you. But is falling in love really that easy? There must be people out there who worked harder on that initial phase. Or maybe there are people who don't quite have the capacity to love yet and are working on that. 

In all fairness, the universe did set me up with a pretty sweet situation to be "swept off my feet". But it didn't force my guy to ask me out... he did it on his own accord. So from the male's perspective, he actually did have to do something. And really, I had to follow up and come up with an excuse to see him again... I just bought a new phone and I have no idea what a widget is!

There was a time at the beginning when I seriously thought "there is no way that him and I will ever fight... I just can't see us getting upset with each other over anything." Which of course is me just being silly. We've had our little tiffs and our "serious talks".

Being a girl, I know that I'm a raging storm of hormones, so there's usually a lot of tears, both with the heavy stuff and even the easy day-to-day stuff. But honestly, I still get excited when I know I'm going to see him. If I'm "dressed up" at school and it's not a clinic day - ignore whatever excuse I give you for dressing up - in reality I'm doing it for him. 

With the raging storm of hormones, I know that I have a few ounces of crazy in me. There are some little things that absolutely drive me nuts. Like when I find two wet towels hung on top of each other (They will never dry like that!!!) - but he has learned to deal with the crazy, and I try to tone it down as much as I can. I don't think any of those things takes away from the "magic" of our relationship though.

So, the question from this article was, when that initial euphoria dies down, "Am I with the right person?" I don't think any relationship should be stuck in that initial stage. I think arguments should naturally come up. If not, you might want to check to make sure your girl isn't a Stepford Wife. Or if you see a robot vagina in the sink you might be dating a Russian cyborg (Archer reference).

Why is it that many women are so dissatisfied with having to "work" at a relationship? Maybe it's that we have this scenario in our heads. We dream up Mr. Right and we want it to play out like a movie. That's not reality though. So when the relationship doesn't stay euphoric and perfect, some women tend to look for someone else to give them that feeling, that scenario. But like the article states, it's temporary, and you'll be stuck in the same cycle all over again.

There was another thing I didn't quite agree with: "The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found."
Why can't it be both? First you have to find the right person, you fall in love, and then you work on the relationship. You're essentially taking the lives of two people and coordinating them so that they can work together. 

I wouldn't say that "sustaining love ... takes time, effort and energy". I think the love is there the whole time. But I do believe that sustaining a relationship takes time and effort. I mean, every so often I have to memorize the names of a couple hockey players to gain some bonus points with my man. But I do it because I love him, and also because I love to see the shock on his face when I know something about sports.

Love is a feeling. I get it every time I look at him, or when I think about him. It fills me up, but also makes me go a little crazy inside (in a good way). I think that if we truly want our relationships to work, then we will make them work. But if there's a part of us that is hesitant, maybe we get a little lazy. 

Decide what you want, and how much of yourself you're willing to give. But remember that it goes both ways. You can't be the only one in the relationship that's working on it. It's a team effort and if you really love each other, and are dedicated to making it work, then you can get through anything together.