Okay, so I know that I'm an extremely sensitive person. It doesn't take much for me to cry. Again, I think I may have mentioned that March of the Penguins had me going through half a box of Kleenex and anxiety can send me into a panic attack of palpitations and tears. But it's only been recently (past 2-3 years) that I've been able to identify it and to calm myself faster than in high school or undergrad.
So, the fact is, I had two satellite clinics that I had my heart set on working at and I was just too far down the selection list to get either of them. That was the moment I realized I'm not going to get a shift outside of the RSNC (our school's clinic). It truly isn't the end of the world, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't upset. I thought that this was a learning experience that would greatly benefit me and was told continuously "Make sure you get a satellite shift!!" So my initial response was heartbreak, and then panic and then some crying as I realized my clinic experience had just been chopped short.
It took me an hour to calm down and realize that this isn't a deal breaker for my career. It's unfortunate, but I had to understand the master plan. I wasn't meant to have that shift. It might sound absurd to some of you, but it's the truth. It's how I ended up at CCNM, so I'm taking this as another sign. Back in my undergrad years I dreamed of being a doctor and applied to traditional medical schools in Canada for 3 consecutive years, writing the MCAT each time. This stuff isn't cheap! I spent thousands of dollars on study materials, applications, exam fees and it was all just there to show me that I wasn't meant to be a traditional Medical doctor.
Because of that "rejection," I was able to see the big picture and find my true calling: to actually help people to heal, to use preventative medicine, and to teach others by becoming a naturopathic doctor. But trust me, all of those rejection letters and shitty MCAT scores felt like a kick to the face each time... actually, like Joe Rogan kicking me in the face - and that's really saying something!
The hardest thing was to realize that I didn't fail, I was being pushed in a different direction; the one I was meant to follow. So that's what I'm making of today's gong show that we call Day 1 of Clinic Shift Selection. I wasn't meant to go anywhere but the RSNC and I can deal with that.
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| As quoted by Tom Hanks' character Jimmy Dugan. One of my favourite movies. I have to remind myself of this often. |
If you keep hitting a brick wall over and over again, maybe it should be taken as a sign. Maybe it's not meant to be that particular way. I don't mean for you to not try something, or to give up on your dream, but if you've attempted something 3 or 4 times and it's still not working out for you, try to think about why it's not working. Find a different path to get from A to B. I'm still going to be a doctor, but I'm becoming the doctor that I was meant to be - not one who sees patients for 5 minutes and hands out prescriptions like candy on Halloween.
So, although our school's organization wasn't at it's best on this particular day, let's not get angry; let's deal with what we have and appreciate it. I'm not going to be a terrible doctor just because I won't be spending a semester working with Dr. Ladd or Dr. Gowan.
It's truly not the end of the world. The dinosaurs that are up in heaven are laughing at us right now. I'm pretty sure they wish they could all kick us in the face for being so dramatic about our lives. Or eat us.
For my own personal mission, I want to be more mindful and grateful for what I have. And I hope I can remember that the next time I feel heartbroken or disappointed.
