It's been a while since I last posted. I took a bit of a social media break, mostly because life has gotten a little crazier than usual, and I've been working really hard to be more mindful and to be present in reality.
Life-work balance isn't easy. For the last few weeks I've been feeling like I've just been keeping my head above water, but only just. If a wave were to come in, I'd be in real trouble.
I've talked before about my history with PMDD, and it has recently resurfaced - not to the same degree, but I notice it almost immediately after ovulating. I have to laugh a little bit, because in my head and my body, sometimes it feels like I go into this "empty uterus depression." I hate stereotypes of women being useless during "that time of the month," but to be honest, for me, there is totally a link between my fluctuating hormones and my ability to function optimally (Let me assure you, I can still function, but I know I'm better than this).
I don't know exactly how many other women feel this way. There are a lot of women out there who are so much better at functioning while their hormone levels are changing.
To be honest, without my own naturopathic and self care I would be drowning. And I think it's up to us to realize when we're starting to slip and to get help immediately. Here are a few things I've been working on - practices to help other women keep this balance and keep their heads above water.
1) If you're waking up early for work, go to bed earlier. My bedtime has been scaled back to around 9:30pm. That might sound fairly early, but I haven't been sleeping as well due to added life stress, so I'm more tired than usual.
2) Find out if you need extra nutrient supplementation and take your supplements regularly. This may include extra magnesium (especially magnesium malate), B12 injections, vitamin C, etc.
3) Get assessed and consider extra stress and nervous system support. Nervine herbs like oatstraw (Avena sativa) and lemon balm (Melissa officinalis) can be calming, support sleep, and mood.
4) Don't forget to exercise but it needs to be something you look forward to, and keep it shorter. I've been doing more yoga lately which helps immensely. Even 20-30 minutes of activity will make a huge difference in your mood. If you don't have time to do this everyday, take 5 minutes to stretch out on your floor. Or maybe just do a couple forward folds, moving with your breath.
5) Schedule 30 minutes each day for you. Read a book that you've been meaning to get through. Wind down for 30 minutes before your bedtime to you do an activity that calms you, brings you joy and that isn't work. I've been either reading or knitting, which has been a huge help for my own mental well-being.
6) Talk to a friend or family member. When I'm this busy and stressed out, I embrace my introvertedness (yup, I'm also making up words), and I don't want to go out anywhere. So instead, I'll call my mom or sister, or even just send them a text if I don't feel like I can talk. Partners/husbands are also great for hugs and cuddles. Petting your cat or dog can also have calming effects.
7) Cry. Seriously, go have a good cry. Then get your breath back and work on slowing and controlling your breath.
8) Journal. On days you don't feel like your 30-minute wind-down activity (see #5), then instead write down a few of your thoughts. What are you grateful for today? What do you need to do tomorrow? What are you looking forward to? What are things do you wish you could get done that aren't getting done? Write down anything. Just write for 5 whole minutes, then go to bed.
9) Once a month (or more frequently if you can swing it), do something bigger for you: go get a massage. Go for a swim. Take an exercise/yoga/support/meditation class. There are so many out there! Meetup.com has some great local options, for all interests.
10) Save time by setting up deliveries. For example, use services like MamaEarth Organics in the greater Toronto area and have groceries (and good healthy foods!) delivered to you automatically each week. Do all of your holiday shopping online to save you the time and stress of having to go to a shopping mall and dealing with crowds. Hire a cleaning service to come to your house maybe once or twice per month. Anything that can give you more time for the things you really need.
11) In general, set a schedule for yourself. Choose a time to stop responding to emails. Schedule time that is just family time. Schedule time for you alone. Set a schedule for both work and your personal/family life and do your best to stick to it.
Sometimes even one activity/class per month can be daunting when you look at your calendar, but I think we need to get back to taking care of ourselves. One day per month isn't a lot to ask. Nor is 35 minutes daily for you. That's 35 minutes out of our 960 minutes (16 daytime hours) per day. Of course, finances can also interfere in the above plan, so do only what you can manage.
And ever forget to ask for help when you need it. You may be surprised by how many people come to your aid when you reach out and ask for help.
Showing posts with label stress management. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stress management. Show all posts
Thursday, November 22, 2018
Friday, September 21, 2018
Sometimes you have to be your own parent
Adulthood comes with multiple responsibilities. As kids we thought that grown-ups had it all. They could stay up as late as they wanted to and eat ice cream for breakfast. I'll admit I've done both, but neither were as satisfying as I hoped. The ice cream upset my stomach and left me feeling more hungry for actual real food. Staying up super late just left me more tired and grumpy in the morning.
In this way, being an adult, you have the freedom to take care of yourself how you want to. Your extra responsibility is the one you have over your own health and well-being.
Why is it that when it comes to our kids, we're all set to lay down rules and routines - and with good reason! - but when it comes to our own selves and bodies, we slack off and give in to the fatigue, the sometimes laziness, and lack of discipline; or we just don't make the time.
We know what's good for us, like eating healthy, avoiding sugar, fast food, and junk food; and exercising. So how can we advocate a healthy lifestyle for those that we love, but it's so hard to discipline ourselves?
The idea of self-discipline is huge. This doesn't mean that you have to punish yourself for eating candy, but it does mean that your decisions are contributing to your health status.
Today I want to motivate you to take control over your health and your body. Be your own parent.
Start with physical activity. This is something a lot of us have issues with, typically because we're either too tired or we don't have the time. But think about that... exercise is something that is vital to our physical, mental, and emotional health but we're too tired or can't make time for it? That's like saying you're so busy that you can't eat - which isn't uncommon! So how can we get around this?
[Journal assignment]: It's time to re-prioritize. For a couple days, grab a note pad or journal and before you go to bed, document everything you accomplished or did that day. What does that look like? First of all, can you remember everything you did during the day? Second, how many tasks are you completing that are for other people? How many items do you accomplish that are just for you and your own self-care?
If you find that list is void of anything that improves your overall health, it's time to re-evaluate your days. Start with something simple: schedule in 20 minutes for you every day. If you want this to be a workout or activity, maybe you give yourself 20 minutes for the activity, and 5-10 mins before and after for any "set-up" and/or "clean-up."
I have lazy days just like everyone else. Days were I feel tired and I'm way too comfortable to move. But I also realize how much worse I'll feel if I do nothing: within 3-4 days of being sedentary, I'm a moody mess. And that's when I force myself to get out there. Make a plan: Visualize what you think you can manage doing (yoga, a run or walk, workout video, etc), then get dressed and prep your space.
I've had to kick my own ass to get out for a run, or stay in for a workout, and by the time I'm finished, I'm incredibly grateful. There's nothing quite like the feeling of finishing something that is physically tough or uncomfortable. Even if it's only 20 minutes of yoga. Hold a plank pose for 60 seconds and see how you feel.
Second, take your To-Do list (if you have one... if you don't, start making them) and add on at least one activity that is solely for you. It could be anything such as:
All of these principles can be related to multiple aspects of our health and well-being. Self-discipline includes maintaining a healthy diet for you. Keeping up with your physio exercises. Flossing daily. Drinking an adequate amount of water everyday. Reducing alcohol consumption. Reducing caffeine consumption...
... These are all things we know are good for us but we tend to slack off more than we should. Now it's time to take care of you.
In this way, being an adult, you have the freedom to take care of yourself how you want to. Your extra responsibility is the one you have over your own health and well-being.
Why is it that when it comes to our kids, we're all set to lay down rules and routines - and with good reason! - but when it comes to our own selves and bodies, we slack off and give in to the fatigue, the sometimes laziness, and lack of discipline; or we just don't make the time.
We know what's good for us, like eating healthy, avoiding sugar, fast food, and junk food; and exercising. So how can we advocate a healthy lifestyle for those that we love, but it's so hard to discipline ourselves?
The idea of self-discipline is huge. This doesn't mean that you have to punish yourself for eating candy, but it does mean that your decisions are contributing to your health status.
Today I want to motivate you to take control over your health and your body. Be your own parent.
Start with physical activity. This is something a lot of us have issues with, typically because we're either too tired or we don't have the time. But think about that... exercise is something that is vital to our physical, mental, and emotional health but we're too tired or can't make time for it? That's like saying you're so busy that you can't eat - which isn't uncommon! So how can we get around this?
[Journal assignment]: It's time to re-prioritize. For a couple days, grab a note pad or journal and before you go to bed, document everything you accomplished or did that day. What does that look like? First of all, can you remember everything you did during the day? Second, how many tasks are you completing that are for other people? How many items do you accomplish that are just for you and your own self-care?
If you find that list is void of anything that improves your overall health, it's time to re-evaluate your days. Start with something simple: schedule in 20 minutes for you every day. If you want this to be a workout or activity, maybe you give yourself 20 minutes for the activity, and 5-10 mins before and after for any "set-up" and/or "clean-up."
I have lazy days just like everyone else. Days were I feel tired and I'm way too comfortable to move. But I also realize how much worse I'll feel if I do nothing: within 3-4 days of being sedentary, I'm a moody mess. And that's when I force myself to get out there. Make a plan: Visualize what you think you can manage doing (yoga, a run or walk, workout video, etc), then get dressed and prep your space.
I've had to kick my own ass to get out for a run, or stay in for a workout, and by the time I'm finished, I'm incredibly grateful. There's nothing quite like the feeling of finishing something that is physically tough or uncomfortable. Even if it's only 20 minutes of yoga. Hold a plank pose for 60 seconds and see how you feel.
Second, take your To-Do list (if you have one... if you don't, start making them) and add on at least one activity that is solely for you. It could be anything such as:
- Meditation (anywhere from 5-20 minutes). Use a audio clip or YouTube video for guided meditations and body scans.
- Brisk walk or jog (20-60 minutes)
- Journalling or writing (5-30 minutes)
- Creative projects, knitting, and crafts, etc
- Play a musical instrument
- Yoga or Tai Chi (15-60 minutes)
- Aquafit or swimming
- Read a book (not the internet)
- Try a new recipe for something healthy
- Walk barefoot through the grass
- Go for a bike ride (rent one in the city if you don't have your own)
- Make a pot of tea and invite a few friends over (or even just one awesome friend or neighbour)
- Play a sport: it could be an organized game, or just playing keep-up with a volleyball or beachball.
- Take a class in the community (in whatever interests you)
20-30 minutes out of 24 hours per day isn't a lot to ask of yourself. Now, granted, you may be a parent with a child glued to your hip, so maybe a half hour really feels like too long. This is where a great support system comes in handy. Use the time when your little one is napping to take care of you; or ask for help 1/2 an hour per day and have someone watch your little one for you. Or, you can do your activity with them. If they're super little, they can roll around on a yoga mat, lay under you while you're in downward dog. You can use them as a body weight for doing Bridge work (lay on the floor with knees bent and feet on the floor; Sit baby on your pelvis. Keeping your upper back and shoulders pinned down, lift and tuck your pelvis, holding onto baby. This is a great quad and glute toner, and baby will think you're playing :)
Most importantly, you're also being a great role model for health and self-care. Your kid(s) will grow up aware of a lifestyle that includes healthy aspects and activities. My mom used to do workout videos all the time when we were little including those by Jane Fonda and Cher. I grew up trying to wear her ankle weights, drawing butterflies on her elevation 2x4" block of wood, and jumping and dancing to cheesy 80's background music. Fast forward to today and I have her old videos now on DVD and still use them religiously.
All of these principles can be related to multiple aspects of our health and well-being. Self-discipline includes maintaining a healthy diet for you. Keeping up with your physio exercises. Flossing daily. Drinking an adequate amount of water everyday. Reducing alcohol consumption. Reducing caffeine consumption...
... These are all things we know are good for us but we tend to slack off more than we should. Now it's time to take care of you.
Tuesday, May 15, 2018
The dangers and consequences of lack of sleep
Sleep is one of those funny things that most of us love, but we can never seem to get enough. On the one hand, anyone who is tired will tell you how much they desperately want more sleep. They might have to take naps, or just crave a decent full-night of sleep.
On the other hand, a lot of us also need down-time after work and into the evening. Maybe you have kids and you don't get time for yourself or alone time with your partner until after the kids are in bed. Maybe you take work home with you and work late, and therefore just don't get to bed early enough. Either way, we're pushing our bedtimes later, and our wake-up times aren't necessarily changing.
This balance of sleep, work, and time for yourself to decompress, can be really tough to achieve. Part of it is due to how we, as a North American society, view our daily expectations. Workplaces expect a 8-hour workday minimum, with more and more jobs requiring additional hours adding up to 60-80 hours per week. How on earth is that healthy for anyone?
Most of the research I have done in this area is eye-opening. Humans in general need a minimum of 7 hours per night. Anything less than 6.5 hours per night increases the risk of developing Alzheimer's disease, cardiovascular disease, and certain cancers such as breast cancer. (full article with references here: http://thenatpath.com/mind/sleep-deprivation-chronic-health-outcomes/)
I was reminded of these while listening to a fascinating podcast with Matthew Walker, professor of neuroscience and founder/director of the Centre for Human Sleep Science on the JRE:
(http://podcasts.joerogan.net/podcasts/matthew-walker)
I've posted a short clip below, but the full video is also found on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwaWilO_Pig
Key messages were that in addition to the number of hours of sleep needed, the quality of sleep is crucially important. That evening glass of wine might help you relax, but the alcohol is keeping your system up.
As well, sleep isn't just for rest! This isn't just about letting the body go to sleep, but allowing your brain to solidify all the connections you were trying to make from your day. This is where the saying "sleep on it" comes from. Even for students who are studying - it is more beneficial for their learning and memory to sleep, rather than to pull an all-nighter. You might think you're giving your brain extra study hours, but the connections will not be made or stay the same way if you instead got a good night of sleep.
Studies have also looked at the mental and cognitive function of school-aged children, finding that children are better able to learn when school start times are pushed back from 7/8am to 9 am or later.
And what about our doctors? The ones who pull double or triple shifts at hospitals, or who have a ridiculous number of working hours during their residency? Aren't we supposed to be superhuman and push through it? Nope! The initial regimen of pushing medical residents started with one MD: a man who was able to follow these long working hours. But it wasn't because of his "mental strength" - it was because he was accidentally addicted to cocaine! And now we use this as our standard for medical students and hospital doctors.
This type of sleep deprivation can cause major issues of impairment both on the job and while driving, being equated to the impairment of drunk driving. Falling asleep at the wheel is no joke, and it's not uncommon. That's what makes this so dangerous.
These developments in sleep science should be unnerving for a lot of us. Sleep isn't something to take for granted. These aren't extra hours to allocate to whatever activities you deem important. This is about your chronic health, and the safety of those around you. Today you might feel okay with 4-5 hours, but 10 years from now your health could be facing the consequences.
Interestingly, Walker actually addresses the "4-5 hour sleeper". He says that the percentage of human beings that can actually get away with that amount of sleep per night with no repercussions is a fraction of 1% but even that number is rounded up!
There are multiple ways to help improve sleep. Walker goes into a few of them, though what's most important is keeping a routine and removing obstacles that can keep you from good sleep:
On the other hand, a lot of us also need down-time after work and into the evening. Maybe you have kids and you don't get time for yourself or alone time with your partner until after the kids are in bed. Maybe you take work home with you and work late, and therefore just don't get to bed early enough. Either way, we're pushing our bedtimes later, and our wake-up times aren't necessarily changing.
This balance of sleep, work, and time for yourself to decompress, can be really tough to achieve. Part of it is due to how we, as a North American society, view our daily expectations. Workplaces expect a 8-hour workday minimum, with more and more jobs requiring additional hours adding up to 60-80 hours per week. How on earth is that healthy for anyone?
Most of the research I have done in this area is eye-opening. Humans in general need a minimum of 7 hours per night. Anything less than 6.5 hours per night increases the risk of developing Alzheimer's disease, cardiovascular disease, and certain cancers such as breast cancer. (full article with references here: http://thenatpath.com/mind/sleep-deprivation-chronic-health-outcomes/)
I was reminded of these while listening to a fascinating podcast with Matthew Walker, professor of neuroscience and founder/director of the Centre for Human Sleep Science on the JRE:
(http://podcasts.joerogan.net/podcasts/matthew-walker)
I've posted a short clip below, but the full video is also found on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwaWilO_Pig
Key messages were that in addition to the number of hours of sleep needed, the quality of sleep is crucially important. That evening glass of wine might help you relax, but the alcohol is keeping your system up.
As well, sleep isn't just for rest! This isn't just about letting the body go to sleep, but allowing your brain to solidify all the connections you were trying to make from your day. This is where the saying "sleep on it" comes from. Even for students who are studying - it is more beneficial for their learning and memory to sleep, rather than to pull an all-nighter. You might think you're giving your brain extra study hours, but the connections will not be made or stay the same way if you instead got a good night of sleep.
Studies have also looked at the mental and cognitive function of school-aged children, finding that children are better able to learn when school start times are pushed back from 7/8am to 9 am or later.
And what about our doctors? The ones who pull double or triple shifts at hospitals, or who have a ridiculous number of working hours during their residency? Aren't we supposed to be superhuman and push through it? Nope! The initial regimen of pushing medical residents started with one MD: a man who was able to follow these long working hours. But it wasn't because of his "mental strength" - it was because he was accidentally addicted to cocaine! And now we use this as our standard for medical students and hospital doctors.
This type of sleep deprivation can cause major issues of impairment both on the job and while driving, being equated to the impairment of drunk driving. Falling asleep at the wheel is no joke, and it's not uncommon. That's what makes this so dangerous.
These developments in sleep science should be unnerving for a lot of us. Sleep isn't something to take for granted. These aren't extra hours to allocate to whatever activities you deem important. This is about your chronic health, and the safety of those around you. Today you might feel okay with 4-5 hours, but 10 years from now your health could be facing the consequences.
Interestingly, Walker actually addresses the "4-5 hour sleeper". He says that the percentage of human beings that can actually get away with that amount of sleep per night with no repercussions is a fraction of 1% but even that number is rounded up!
There are multiple ways to help improve sleep. Walker goes into a few of them, though what's most important is keeping a routine and removing obstacles that can keep you from good sleep:
- Have a set bedtime, set an alarm if you need to remind yourself.
- Avoid screen time, like smartphones and computers before bed. Put a blue-light filter on your devices if you must use them.
- Avoid eating 2 hours before bed, and alcohol about 4 hours before bed (or just avoid alcohol altogether).
- Refrain from caffeine after noon
- Keep the bedroom dark and do not allow light in from outside. Cover up electronics that have lights on them while you sleep
- Keep your bedroom cooler at night. Use fans, A/C or lighter pyjamas if necessary.
- Work on stress management to regulate cortisol levels. This is crucial for those who find they're waking between 2-4am.
Monday, May 7, 2018
The Mindful Bride, Part 2: Self-care and Mindfulness
Excellent, you've made it to Part 2: Self care for the Mindful Bride.
I had heard too many times that brides never really got the chance to enjoy the day. The day flies by! They warned me, and, You probably won't even see your partner for most of the day - you'll get split up all night!
This was terrifying and not at all what I wanted from my wedding day. I wanted to enjoy and savour every moment. I wanted to move at my leisure, spend time with the people around me, and with my husband! How on earth could I enjoy my wedding if my husband was going to be torn away from me all night?
So I made a plan. I made a plan to do everything in my power to soak up every moment. To ask for help when I needed it. To ignore those who were acting a little odd or crazy, to focus my attention on my love for my partner and what this day truly meant.
First off, it doesn't hurt when you've done some prep work and you have a kick-ass bridal team. My bachelorette party was a yoga retreat at a cottage up north, complete with a nature hike, home-cooked food, colouring, a Footloose movie night, and dance party (among other activities).
We had a schedule, but we also had down-time. And even more important to me, I asked that the entire thing be a complete surprise throughout. I wanted to just go with the flow, and enjoy every part as it happened. I didn't want to be anticipating an activity or planning ahead. I wanted to be in the moment. It was incredible!
A few weeks before the wedding, things were definitely getting crammed into my schedule. Self-care was a must as there were so many other obligations in those weeks.
First, I was terrified of getting sick for the wedding, so I loaded up on all my supplements, taking my adaptogens and antioxidants to prevent illness and help keep my energy up. I even gave myself a B12 shot a few days before the wedding to help with anxiety and energy.
First, I was terrified of getting sick for the wedding, so I loaded up on all my supplements, taking my adaptogens and antioxidants to prevent illness and help keep my energy up. I even gave myself a B12 shot a few days before the wedding to help with anxiety and energy.
Next, I worked on my gratitude journalling. 4-7 days before the wedding I journaled about everything I was looking forward to regarding the wedding. I put aside anything that was upsetting me, anything that was stressful and anything that could go wrong, and ONLY journaled about the positives. I even wrote out a list (several pages long) on everything I loved about my fiancé. The words just flowed out of me and it reset my headspace.
I booked myself a massage a week before the wedding; A full 60-minute massage with one of the RMT's at my clinic, which included cranial work and really reinforced getting my shoulders back, not allowing them to hunch forward. She was an angel to me that day. She also sent me home with epsom salts and I got to take a nice hot bath with them.
Use exercise to blow off steam or stress. Go for a jog, a bike ride, a swim, or maybe a kickboxing class; Whatever you need to physically let out any tension that you're holding onto. I personally found yoga to be helpful. Listen to what your body needs.
Use exercise to blow off steam or stress. Go for a jog, a bike ride, a swim, or maybe a kickboxing class; Whatever you need to physically let out any tension that you're holding onto. I personally found yoga to be helpful. Listen to what your body needs.
I got some well-needed quality time with my fiancé during the week before the wedding. We were both insanely busy with work in addition to everything wedding-related, but he was incredible and made the time to scoot out for a couple sushi rolls while we listened to music together, sharing a single set of earbuds. We also practiced our first dance a few times in our living room, which had me in tears, and totally excited for our day.
Being Mindful on the day of the Wedding
All of that prep work had me more relaxed on the day of, and I aimed to keep my morning routine the same with my breakfast, coffee and morning wake-up routine. I highly suggest eating in the morning if you can (especially protein)... it's a packed day and it'll help to keep blood sugar levels balanced. Pack a few portable snacks like nut/seed bars or a protein shake to give you a boost throughout the day.
Have your packing list ready and leave early. The day of, I made sure that everything was organized, and I had my incredible team. We left early, and our hair and makeup team was running ahead of schedule. All 6 of us were done with an extra 30 minutes to spare.
Have your packing list ready and leave early. The day of, I made sure that everything was organized, and I had my incredible team. We left early, and our hair and makeup team was running ahead of schedule. All 6 of us were done with an extra 30 minutes to spare.
We took that time to sip on some champagne, chat with our photographer and my mom. We settled into our room, taking a few bites out of whatever snack I could stomach. I felt so relaxed and not rushed at all. Best of all, I could stop to take it all in. My flowers arrived and I just stared at them for minutes. I looked at my dress hanging up; gave my mom an extra hug; and just walked about in my sock feet.
We took our time getting dressed and again, we were right on time to start photos. I highly recommend doing photos and a "first look" before the actual ceremony. It saved us from cramming in photos between the ceremony and reception, and allowed my fiancé and I to get more quality time together to enjoy the moments leading up to the ceremony. This day was about us, and I didn't care for a huge "reveal" walking down the aisle. I wanted that moment alone with my fiancé. I couldn't imagine seeing him for the first time that day and not being able to say anything to him. The point is, we got time together - exactly what I had hoped for.
Don't dwell on the negatives. We ended up with the most perfect wedding ever; even though we were caught in an ice storm, even though we were missing about 10 of our guests, even though my sister (under the influence of alcohol and a huge passion for dancing) broke a glass during the reception; even though we had to change our entire ceremony set up the day before the wedding, and even though there were multiple issues with room bookings... Everything was solved. Every problem had a solution and it all turned out perfectly.
If something is out of your control, it is out of your control. I could have overreacted and gotten upset about anything at any point in the day, but there wasn't a point to any of it. I was blissfully happy because I finally got to wear my wedding dress, and I was marrying my true love! How can you not be happy? This is your day and it's all about your love for each other.
Lastly, when you slow down, you get a chance to just take everything in. Remember the little moments, the details. I went to sleep that night replaying the entire day in my head. I didn't want to forget a single second. And with those memories I was able to write out our entire wedding story - the next journalling assignment I made for myself.
Your goals and dreams for the day might be different than mine, and that's okay. But I highly recommend taking the time for self-care, stress management, and practicing mindfulness so that you can fully take in the day and reduce the feeling of being stressed, rushed, or disappointed by any surprises that come up.
These same principles can be applied to so much more outside of a wedding, but a wedding is a special lifetime event and considering the time and effort you put into planning and executing this day, you deserve to enjoy it and savour it; Appreciate it for all that it is.
If something is out of your control, it is out of your control. I could have overreacted and gotten upset about anything at any point in the day, but there wasn't a point to any of it. I was blissfully happy because I finally got to wear my wedding dress, and I was marrying my true love! How can you not be happy? This is your day and it's all about your love for each other.
Lastly, when you slow down, you get a chance to just take everything in. Remember the little moments, the details. I went to sleep that night replaying the entire day in my head. I didn't want to forget a single second. And with those memories I was able to write out our entire wedding story - the next journalling assignment I made for myself.
Your goals and dreams for the day might be different than mine, and that's okay. But I highly recommend taking the time for self-care, stress management, and practicing mindfulness so that you can fully take in the day and reduce the feeling of being stressed, rushed, or disappointed by any surprises that come up.
These same principles can be applied to so much more outside of a wedding, but a wedding is a special lifetime event and considering the time and effort you put into planning and executing this day, you deserve to enjoy it and savour it; Appreciate it for all that it is.
Friday, April 27, 2018
The Mindful Bride: Part 1, Planning and Executing
I wanted to do this series on being a bride, mostly because I found my experience to be quite different than many other brides, but also to help others who may feel like they are going crazy with planning, executing, and trying to enjoy their wedding day. There are steps to health & wellness in the face of stress and change, and everyday life. Being a bride and planning a wedding is no different; It can still be busy-making, stressful, and time consuming, so we can't forget about our own wellness during this process.
Here is Part 1: Wellness Guidelines for Planning and Executing, which is more about maintaining a clear head, not getting overwhelmed, and picking your battles. Part 2 will talk about actual self-care and stress management.
When you're about to get married, other married people loved to give you friendly warnings about what all could and will happen on your wedding day. I was told, my wedding day would fly by! That I would barely get a chance to enjoy it; There will always be something that goes wrong or not according to plan... I listened nicely to all of these warnings but I still believed that I could influence my experience as a bride.
Here is Part 1: Wellness Guidelines for Planning and Executing, which is more about maintaining a clear head, not getting overwhelmed, and picking your battles. Part 2 will talk about actual self-care and stress management.
***
When you're about to get married, other married people loved to give you friendly warnings about what all could and will happen on your wedding day. I was told, my wedding day would fly by! That I would barely get a chance to enjoy it; There will always be something that goes wrong or not according to plan... I listened nicely to all of these warnings but I still believed that I could influence my experience as a bride.
At my wedding a few weekends ago, I did just that. People told me I was the most organized bride they've ever seen. My florist commented several times that I was one of the easiest brides she's ever worked with. Even my photographers exclaimed that they wish every bride was like me.
I don't want my ego spin out of control, but I had to reflect on all of this feedback. What was I doing that other brides weren't?!
I will admit that I was incredibly organized - but this was made easier when I decided how much "stuff" we needed for our wedding. Perhaps you have grandiose ideas with extremely specific visuals in mind... maybe you have family or traditional obligations that you have to bend to. The point was that my husband and I chose what was right for us, and we didn't go overboard.
Rule #1: Less is more
You might think that you need 2-foot tall centrepieces to create a proper atmosphere. I will tell you that you can get away with a lot less. I had short, skinny $2 vases from Ikea and 3 roses in each.
We could have gone overboard, which is why it's so easy to become overwhelmed. It's okay to take a few non-essential items off your plate!
Items that we passed on included:
- Specialty late-night food station. Instead the venue/caterers supplied fruit, cheese and crackers;
- Videographer. We had a family member record our first dance. It wasn't worth paying $4000 to someone to film the day for us; especially as we had made such a great connection with our photographer. Finding her took time and luck; and it was more intimate without a film crew hovering over us.
- Extra entertainment. We felt the only entertainment our guests needed was a loving ceremony, an excellent dinner, and a lot of dancing!
- Extra flowers. I asked that all the bouquets be half the size of a classic bouquet. It saved us a ton of money and no one even noticed. Remember, the bigger the bouquet, the more you/your dress is covered.
- Fancy lights or smoke machines. Extra equipment needs to be rented, delivered, set up, taken down... We were able to dim the lights at our reception after dinner. That with some amazing music (and an open bar) was all we needed to have an incredible party. No special slide shows, screens, flashing dance floor lights were necessary.
- A Calligrapher or specialty invitations. I hand wrote out all the addresses on envelops for our invitations, and I used VistaPrint for all of our stationary. We mailed out 2 cards and one return envelope. We had our directions and Inn booking information on the back of the invite. We saved paper and money! If you don't want to hand-write out your envelopes, use a label maker or your printer.
- Special DIY projects. I picked one and it was because I had made a huge mistake: I ordered twice as many invitations as I actually needed. I thought, How could I repurpose all of these card stock invitations? Then I remembered that my mom had recently bought me a book on making paper flowers. So I packed up the invites, drove to her house, and we spent a day together making flowers out of my invitations:
It started off fun, watching chick flicks and cliche wedding movies while we cut out dozens of stencilled petals... but by the end of the day we had only completed 10 flowers between the two of us. It was gruelling and time consuming. But the truth is that we were able to use them without needing 100 of them. They were accent decor, not "mandatory" at every table. I was totally happy with that... as were my blistered hands.
DIY projects are fun and great ideas in hindsight. Some of them might actually be quite doable. But don't feel like you need to put intricate work into something for every single guest - Unless you have the time, patience, and the passion for such a project.
I will admit that I was incredibly organized - but this was made easier when I decided how much "stuff" we needed for our wedding. Perhaps you have grandiose ideas with extremely specific visuals in mind... maybe you have family or traditional obligations that you have to bend to. The point was that my husband and I chose what was right for us, and we didn't go overboard.
Rule #1: Less is more
You might think that you need 2-foot tall centrepieces to create a proper atmosphere. I will tell you that you can get away with a lot less. I had short, skinny $2 vases from Ikea and 3 roses in each.
We could have gone overboard, which is why it's so easy to become overwhelmed. It's okay to take a few non-essential items off your plate!
Items that we passed on included:
- Specialty late-night food station. Instead the venue/caterers supplied fruit, cheese and crackers;
- Videographer. We had a family member record our first dance. It wasn't worth paying $4000 to someone to film the day for us; especially as we had made such a great connection with our photographer. Finding her took time and luck; and it was more intimate without a film crew hovering over us.
- Extra entertainment. We felt the only entertainment our guests needed was a loving ceremony, an excellent dinner, and a lot of dancing!
- Extra flowers. I asked that all the bouquets be half the size of a classic bouquet. It saved us a ton of money and no one even noticed. Remember, the bigger the bouquet, the more you/your dress is covered.
- Fancy lights or smoke machines. Extra equipment needs to be rented, delivered, set up, taken down... We were able to dim the lights at our reception after dinner. That with some amazing music (and an open bar) was all we needed to have an incredible party. No special slide shows, screens, flashing dance floor lights were necessary.
- A Calligrapher or specialty invitations. I hand wrote out all the addresses on envelops for our invitations, and I used VistaPrint for all of our stationary. We mailed out 2 cards and one return envelope. We had our directions and Inn booking information on the back of the invite. We saved paper and money! If you don't want to hand-write out your envelopes, use a label maker or your printer.
- Special DIY projects. I picked one and it was because I had made a huge mistake: I ordered twice as many invitations as I actually needed. I thought, How could I repurpose all of these card stock invitations? Then I remembered that my mom had recently bought me a book on making paper flowers. So I packed up the invites, drove to her house, and we spent a day together making flowers out of my invitations:
DIY projects are fun and great ideas in hindsight. Some of them might actually be quite doable. But don't feel like you need to put intricate work into something for every single guest - Unless you have the time, patience, and the passion for such a project.
It's okay if you want these things. It's your wedding and you can create the day however you like. But there are times when you need to let things go. They are seriously not worth it.
A friend of mine who is an incredible baker made cookies and brownies for the end of the night at her own wedding. Our venue allowed the same and I had planned on doing some baking for ours as well (otherwise what's the point of owning a Kitchenaid mixer?). But the week before the wedding my schedule got slammed - and not just with wedding stuff... but work, and family, and other commitments. I was exhausted and baking wasn't going to happen. At that point I really didn't care. I didn't even tell the venue until I arrived on the day-of. It wasn't a big deal, but I'm glad I made the decision to let it go.
A friend of mine who is an incredible baker made cookies and brownies for the end of the night at her own wedding. Our venue allowed the same and I had planned on doing some baking for ours as well (otherwise what's the point of owning a Kitchenaid mixer?). But the week before the wedding my schedule got slammed - and not just with wedding stuff... but work, and family, and other commitments. I was exhausted and baking wasn't going to happen. At that point I really didn't care. I didn't even tell the venue until I arrived on the day-of. It wasn't a big deal, but I'm glad I made the decision to let it go.
Rule #2: Avoid overreacting.
Things go wrong. People have very loud opinions and expectations.
Our planned outdoor ceremony ended up being moved indoors due to a freak ice storm in the middle of April. One of the worst storms in Toronto in years, with rain, freezing rain, snow, slush and ice all within 24 hours. We had an entire table not show up, and even our officiant was a little late to arrive. Shit happens. It wasn't going to stop us from getting married. Nothing would. There was no point in getting angry. We were still getting married, and everything in my eyes was still as perfect as it could be.
But even if something had gone wrong that was someone's obvious fault; there's nothing good that comes out of going full dragon. The important point is to keep a level head. Exhale a deep breath, and then find a solution. One of the best parts of being the bride? You have a team of people who are there for you to troubleshoot.
Our venue (which was also an Inn) made multiple errors with room bookings and didn't have the room I requested available for getting ready in. So as I had my manicure done, my sister went up to the front desk and fixed it all. I didn't stress for a second. The issue would be fixed, or we would somehow find a solution (or another room). There's always a way to make things work. The goal is to not fight the resolution.
And remember - you're getting married! This is a happy day of celebration and everyone is there in support of you and your partner! Create and nurture the positive energy that you want surrounding you on your day.
Rule #3: Let the experts do their job - and trust them!
So you shelled out a few thousand dollars on photography... perhaps hundreds if not thousands on flowers (You've seen these weddings on Pinterest!). There's a reason you're paying so much: You are paying a professional for their time and their skill. Sure, there's the cost of materials, but you sought out your specific vendors because you thought they were the best in your price range, and you seem to really connect with them.
Our planned outdoor ceremony ended up being moved indoors due to a freak ice storm in the middle of April. One of the worst storms in Toronto in years, with rain, freezing rain, snow, slush and ice all within 24 hours. We had an entire table not show up, and even our officiant was a little late to arrive. Shit happens. It wasn't going to stop us from getting married. Nothing would. There was no point in getting angry. We were still getting married, and everything in my eyes was still as perfect as it could be.
But even if something had gone wrong that was someone's obvious fault; there's nothing good that comes out of going full dragon. The important point is to keep a level head. Exhale a deep breath, and then find a solution. One of the best parts of being the bride? You have a team of people who are there for you to troubleshoot.
Our venue (which was also an Inn) made multiple errors with room bookings and didn't have the room I requested available for getting ready in. So as I had my manicure done, my sister went up to the front desk and fixed it all. I didn't stress for a second. The issue would be fixed, or we would somehow find a solution (or another room). There's always a way to make things work. The goal is to not fight the resolution.
And remember - you're getting married! This is a happy day of celebration and everyone is there in support of you and your partner! Create and nurture the positive energy that you want surrounding you on your day.
Rule #3: Let the experts do their job - and trust them!
So you shelled out a few thousand dollars on photography... perhaps hundreds if not thousands on flowers (You've seen these weddings on Pinterest!). There's a reason you're paying so much: You are paying a professional for their time and their skill. Sure, there's the cost of materials, but you sought out your specific vendors because you thought they were the best in your price range, and you seem to really connect with them.
I gave our florist an idea of what I wanted, with flower types and colours, but I honestly had no idea what was in season. She guided me to combinations that ended up being incredible. She put together the most beautiful bouquets, and they were all so simple and romantic. Even when it came to the ribbon around the stems, she made a recommendation and not only did I love it, but I trusted her that it would look amazing (and she didn't disappoint).
Trust your experts. Try to avoid harassing them with phone calls and emails with changes and demands. I'm not saying that you shouldn't stick up for what you want or what you're asking for, but keep an open mind and understand that these people work weddings for a living.
Even if it's not exactly as you had pictured it in your head, try to see the beauty in it. See the love and the handiwork that went into each piece from your vendors/experts.
Rule #4: Call upon your think tank, but avoid getting too many opinions
There were multiple times where I had to make silly little decisions (like, which font looks better for the seating chart?) and I got a little overwhelmed with indecision (mostly because I didn't care about seating chart fonts... I just wanted it to be legible for our guests). Instead of just picking something, I would call upon one of my bridesmaids, or my sister, or mom, or, if the decision was more crucial than fonts, I would bring in my fiancé. I would have 3-4 options ready, then I would ask 1-2 people for their opinion - never more than that. Any more opinions and you will second guess yourself, and now you're trying to please the crowd. Once a decision was made, we stuck to it and moved on.
There's no need to dwell on the tiniest details; but you're also allowed some help in making those decisions. Back to Rule #1: Less is more. You don't need your whole posse there for you when you try on wedding dresses or meet with your florist. Pick one person and enjoy the experience. If you find there's someone who's opinion on the matter would mean a lot to you, then go home and come back another day with that person.
For our wedding cupcakes I went by myself to put down the deposit and then brought home a few different varieties/flavours of cupcakes home for my fiancé so that he could help choose the flavour that we would serve. The point is that you don't have to do everything alone. It's okay to ask for help.
I understand that my situation will not apply to everyone, but I hope that these little tidbits of advice will help others beyond the typical "warnings" that women hear. A warning isn't always helpful but guidance on how to better manage the wedding planning and execution is. And that is my hope for today's blog post. I'll be posting again soon for Part 2: Self-Care for the Mindful Bride
Trust your experts. Try to avoid harassing them with phone calls and emails with changes and demands. I'm not saying that you shouldn't stick up for what you want or what you're asking for, but keep an open mind and understand that these people work weddings for a living.
Even if it's not exactly as you had pictured it in your head, try to see the beauty in it. See the love and the handiwork that went into each piece from your vendors/experts.
Rule #4: Call upon your think tank, but avoid getting too many opinions
There were multiple times where I had to make silly little decisions (like, which font looks better for the seating chart?) and I got a little overwhelmed with indecision (mostly because I didn't care about seating chart fonts... I just wanted it to be legible for our guests). Instead of just picking something, I would call upon one of my bridesmaids, or my sister, or mom, or, if the decision was more crucial than fonts, I would bring in my fiancé. I would have 3-4 options ready, then I would ask 1-2 people for their opinion - never more than that. Any more opinions and you will second guess yourself, and now you're trying to please the crowd. Once a decision was made, we stuck to it and moved on.
There's no need to dwell on the tiniest details; but you're also allowed some help in making those decisions. Back to Rule #1: Less is more. You don't need your whole posse there for you when you try on wedding dresses or meet with your florist. Pick one person and enjoy the experience. If you find there's someone who's opinion on the matter would mean a lot to you, then go home and come back another day with that person.
For our wedding cupcakes I went by myself to put down the deposit and then brought home a few different varieties/flavours of cupcakes home for my fiancé so that he could help choose the flavour that we would serve. The point is that you don't have to do everything alone. It's okay to ask for help.
***
I understand that my situation will not apply to everyone, but I hope that these little tidbits of advice will help others beyond the typical "warnings" that women hear. A warning isn't always helpful but guidance on how to better manage the wedding planning and execution is. And that is my hope for today's blog post. I'll be posting again soon for Part 2: Self-Care for the Mindful Bride
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