Sunday, May 19, 2013

When do we start becoming grown-ups? Part 1

I remember being a kid and always looking up to grown-ups (literally and figuratively, I suppose). I envied their power... their decision-making abilities. If you were a grown up you could do anything you wanted. Of course one of those things was eating ice cream for breakfast. My parents said I could eat ice cream for breakfast when I was a grown up... I did it once in my undergrad, but then you realize that ice cream is disgusting for breakfast. It's more expensive than cereal, and if you had it everyday you would probably gain 20 lbs and have diabetes. Parents: 1 Kids: 0

The truth is that decision-making is more stressful and annoying than ever. Sometimes I just want to be taken care of. I don't want to cook dinner, or do laundry or go grocery shopping. Do you know how many dumb annoying people you come across just from going grocery shopping? And then if you're in a small town you know you're going to run into people you know, and are forced to make "small talk" - unless you master dodging: head down, or gaze somewhere off in the distance; act like you're in a rush and plan your aisles accordingly.

Life is busy though, and for days when I can't afford to linger around markets, I have to be productive with my time. It's crazy how you can get such a sense of accomplishment just from finishing your errands for the week. I have a strategy for this type of shopping. It's like I'm on a mission:

1) Park the car as far away from other people as possible. I have my favourite spot around the corner of the building... less chance of having my car hit in the parking lot, and less chance of running into people in general.

2) Take the stairs instead of the escalator. Slow people take the escalator. I don't have time for slow. Plus the stairs, I'm sure, counts for burning like 30 calories or something... Maybe 10... I really don't know. It's more than you would taking an escalator.

3) Take a basket, not a cart. This kinda sucks because I really don't want to have to make more than one trip to the grocery store per week, but really, it's all about speed and a cart will just slow you down. It's like driving a boat through an alleyway. You have to turn slower, you can't hit anyone, you have to find spots to park the cart when looking at produce. And there's always a "cart" traffic jam somewhere! - Usually in front of the apples or some other hot ticket produce item.
As a bonus, I'm sure you also build muscle or burn calories from carrying the heavy basket around.

4) Have a list made and pretend you're on Supermarket Sweep (it's an old game show. High fives for anyone who knows what I'm talking about.) Now I feel like this needs a picture...
Image from Tumblr

5) Lastly, you have to choose very carefully between the self-checkout and the cashier lanes. Often times self-checkout is faster, as long as you don't have some chump with his full cart of groceries, who then forgets to put his bags on the platform first and therefore once he has checked out, has to repack everything that he unpacked. Seriously people, it's not rocket science. There's a button for it. Place green bins or bags on the platform first, then bag as you scan. Do this and you will save me my sanity.

Well, that was a bit of a tangent, so I've now titled this as "Part 1" of being a sort-of grown-up.