How to be a socially-functioning Ochlophobic introvert

I have always been an introvert. I'm the type that wants my space but also hates being excluded. I also have Ochlophobia (fear of being surrounded by huge crowds of people). The anxiety is awful - like I'm being suffocated and I can't escape because gravity is keeping my feet glued to the earth's surface and no one around me thinks anything is wrong.  I like my alone time, my space. But it was never fulfilling enough. Once you hang round with certain people, you realize how amazing they are for you. They provide an energy and feelings that you can't get on your own. Be alone for too long and you become swallowed in loneliness.

I had to learn that we as humans are not islands. We can be temporary hermits or have our own little personal "getaways", but we can't live without each other. We need the connection. We need to share with each other, to learn from each other, to grow. We need to be touched - we need hugs! It releases hormones in us that send signals to our brains. (In childbirth we call Oxytocin the "cuddle hormone")

So how does a girl balance this without her brain blowing up? It's about the balance of energy. Being around the positive energy of people we love but also re-charging our batteries with that alone-time we crave.

1) Be social in small groups : No need to go clubbing downtown in huge crowds; hang out with your core group of friends or organize events in smaller groups. This is where we're most comfortable. Our good friends have made the cut. We know that they make us happy, we make each other laugh. It's an environment of positive energy. No need to mess with a good thing. And when someone new comes around, yeah, we like to put them through a screening process. We're cautious with new energy. That's okay too. Take a deep breath and observe.

2) Escape to nature when you need it: If you're living in the city or your workplace is busy, filled with busy-body people, spending an hour or two on a crowded streetcar or subway, make the time during the week to get outside in a non-populated area. Hike through a forest. Walk barefoot in a large grassy park, run through a meadow, sit and look out at a body open water (lake, ocean, stream - depending on where you live).

3) Look up at the stars at night and remember how ridiculously gigantic the universe is. Think of how much space is out there. Let those thoughts of wonderment make you appreciate life, everything you have and of not being alone in such a vast galaxy. The second point here is that being alone in the universe is not all its cracked up to be. Even the Doctor (as in Doctor Who) takes a companion with him.

4) Journaling and colouring: Start writing. Write down your thoughts, feelings. If you need an escape from this world and this reality, write fiction. No one needs to see it but you. Introverts are energy-protectors. But if we shelter ourselves too much and bottle up our emotions, we build a time-bomb within our selves. Best to get it all down on the page and out of our stewing heads. An alternative: Adult colouring books!

5) Call your mom. Sometimes we drift away from family. We get busy, we have our own lives; or maybe there's family tension. Either way, never lose connection with your mom (or any family member who means the world to you). When you feel like you don't want to be social but you need to hear a human voice, call your mom. It doesn't matter if you're 18 or 38, that lady will always be there for you. Or even better, drop by her house for a hug.

6) Practice your breathing. Deep, slow breathing can calm the nervous system. Breathing is more effective at controlling your nervous system and immune system than you think. (I'll be posting more on Wim Hof's incredible methods on a later blog).

7) Schedule alone time or alone activities as well as social ones: Your daily "to-do" list should always contain at least 1 item that is for your own sanity; An activity for stress relief, or fun, whatever. List things that you have to get done, as well as the ones you want to get done.

City vs Country... drastic differences in a rough week

You may have noticed that I haven't blogged in a while. This week has just completely drained me. I think Toronto can do that to you. The people are angry, the weather is shitty, the streets are dirty, traffic blows, and the energy is so overwhelming!

So after staying up late a few nights in a row trying to get school work done, I was sleep-deprived, socially deprived, and stressed from the city. Plus when you add PMS to the mix, it's just a disaster. I ended up staying in bed for most of the day on Thursday, just trying to let my body rest and reset. I mean, when you start to feel flu-like, it's time to start listening to your body and give it what it needs.

My intern at the school's clinic gives this to me as my homework. She says to put your feet up and do absolutely nothing for 5 whole minutes (which can seem like an eternity) and ask your body what it needs. Maybe it's water, maybe it's food, maybe it's rest, maybe it's movement and exercise. But it's all about tuning in to my body and not letting all the "other stuff" run my life.

On Friday, my boyfriend and I were lucky enough to shadow Dr. Frances Turk at the Rockwood Naturopathic clinic together.  The drive there alone was uplifting. We left very early in the morning and as soon as we were north of Milton, our entire surroundings went from an industrialized, dirty mess, to a winter wonderland. Everything was covered in a gorgeous blanket of snow. I had forgotten how beautiful the "country" could be and just how different the weather can be when you drive even 20 minutes north of the city.

I should mention that the first amazing bonus to this day was that I got to wear slippers the whole day in her office. I mean seriously, right then and there I was in heaven. Slippers are one of my most favourite things and my friends can attest that I usually have a pair packed in my purse. So once my feet were nice and snuggly, I looked out the window and saw nothing but a snow-covered forest. It was so quiet and peaceful that I really didn't want to leave. It truly was a healing environment. 

But for all of you who are stuck in the city, I must say that sunshine greatly helps to dissipate the great dark cloud of grim that absorbs us into its swirly vortex of grumpiness and fatigue. It's like the universe has dumped boxes of sad kittens onto all of us.

So... I guess my conclusion is that I desperately need more sunshine and less city... Though it's not always easy to do. I think we all need a break from this swirly vortex of grey. So if you get the chance to escape - take advantage of it! Make time to check in with yourself. Make time to escape even if it's just for a few hours.

Top 10 Words of Wisdomosity by Sarie

I feel like there is a trend right now to write very philosophical quotes on facebook. Like my friends have this new deep intuition about the universe and how to create happiness in life.... or they just copy and re-post each others' facebook posts.

It's kinda funny seeing as how most of the people I run into are usually tired, stressed, broke.

The CCNM student is pretty ironic. I mean, we advocate healthy living and spiritual understanding - the whole mind-body connection and we all want positivity in our lives. Yet here I am, with 3 exams this week, a paper due on Monday, a group assignment due next week, and I might be taking another course over the weekend... freaking out because there's never enough time, and stressing about wanting to balance healthy living with studying and paper-writing. Gah!

So in my typical way of procrastinating (because my pediatrics notes just look so unappealing right now), here I present "Words of Wisdomosity, by Sarie":
Prepare yourself for the deep and philosophical nature of the procrastinating student
 

1) If you want to be happy, just smile. Angry people don't smile... unless they're being sarcastic.

2) Life is a circle. Everything you put into it will come back to you. It's the law of circumference. If it wasn't a perfect circle, it would be an oval ... or an elliptical. I don't think life is an elliptical... At least not according to The Lion King

3) Rainbows, sunshine and kittens. ... and usually Morgan Freeman. That is all.

4) If the road ahead seems stormy ... well, it's probably because there is a storm up ahead. You have two choices: Go inside or Put on your gouaches and your raincoat and stand in the rain. Or I suppose you could get into your car and drive away... but that's counter productive unless you actually need to go somewhere.

5) Although I do believe that the universe guides us through our lives, "Destiny" is nothing but a really bad stripper name.

6) Just because a person is incredibly strong, doesn't mean they're not sensitive. I'm sure George St. Pierre is just like a little teddy bear inside. If you ever get to see him, you should give him a hug. The same goes for grizzly bears (no, I'm kidding about this one. Please don't hug a grizzly bear. You will get eaten.)

7) Relationships are like spider webs. They can be intricate, strong, and beautiful, but can be taken down overnight. That's all I got for that one.

8) Humans are like sea turtles ... except we're really not. The sea turtle can navigate entire oceans without Google maps and GPS. I got lost yesterday getting off the DVP at Bloor/Bayview. Seriously, that shit is so confusing. There are like 10 different ramps going in all different directions. It's like London's underground except you're in your car with no engineer... oh, and my GPS couldn't keep up. Thanks Google. Oh I guess my point is - You know the world is the amazing and incredible place when sea turtles can navigate better than a satellite system over Toronto.

9) Get some sleep. The world is a better place when people aren't grumpy and irritated.

10) Bad things don't just happen to you, they happen to everyone. You're not special in that fact... but I guess you're special in every other way because that's how the universe and our experiences shape us. And Darwin... I'm sure he had a hand in all of this... all of those damn finches. I swear something weird happened on that island that day. Maybe it had to do with dinosaurs... I really wish I could see a real dinosaur.

Bonus (because life is also filled with bonuses): Life is mysterious. But who doesn't like a good mystery?