self care lecture vs. actual self care

So today we had a lecture on "Physician Heal Thyself" - which is basically self-care and stress management for us future NDs. The breakdown of the workshop actually looked amazing. However, this weekend I took a Birth Doula course/workshop (10-hour days both Saturday and Sunday), and at the end, getting through the last of the cottage traffic, I basically wanted to break down and cry from exhaustion.

And that's pretty much what I did. A good cry and some food and then I just wanted to pass out. I ended up sleeping in this morning - missing today's lecture. But I took today as my own self-care day.

I decided that sleep was so much more worth it. Not getting sleep can turn us into zombies. I mean, that's what happens to me... not sure what happens to the rest of you. Hence why I'm actually starting to take this whole "Zombie Apocalypse" thing a bit more seriously. Take the 2 million plus people in Toronto and deprive them all of sleep for more than 48 hours and see what happens. The city would be up in flames, people drowning in Lake Ontario, screaming and crying heard all the way across the boarder (slightly over-dramatic but also quite possible).

I had an epiphany this weekend during our lunch break at the doula course. I went outside to eat and looked around and all I could see were fast food restaurants and concrete. Everything, including the table I was sitting at, looked so fake. I have never felt more depressed about our society than at that moment when I realized that what was surrounding me looked like Ontario's Saftey Village.

For all of you in other provinces/countries, the Safety Village is this cute place that you go to in kindergarten to learn all about traffic safety. A police officer tells you what the green light and red lights mean; you get to drive around in a little motorized car, go to the fake gas station and drive through the fake McDonalds. It's a miniature fake city.

Then it hit me: I truly don't trust this world. I try to live in this bubble up above everyone else because I'm so afraid of the world we've created. Seeing what we've developed into actually makes me want to cry. So I tend to gravitate towards anything and everything natural in this world.

It explains my passion for naturopathic medicine, why I wanted to be a Birth Doula, why I want to live near water, why I try to eat as naturally (and paleo) as possible, why I'm so obsessed with working every muscle group I have and strengthening my body, and why I've become so interested in energetic medicine and the body-mind connection. I guess you could say I'm a bit of a hippie.

My self-care now has become focused on keeping me grounded to this earth. I mean, I'm still filled with anger but I'm learning how to manage it and how to learn from it.

Today I did go for a run - regardless of the disgusting humidity and 34 degree weather (that's 93 degrees for all of you Americans). Well, because it was so humid it ended up being a tough hike through the woods with some intermittent running, and by the end of it I saw something that made it all worth it:

I went down to the creek/river, threw off my running shoes and socks and upon finding a nice sitting rock threw my legs in the water. It was glOOORRious! I sat for a while, putting my hands into the water, looking up at the gorgeous blue sky and just listened to the the sound of the water.

Now... upon sitting for a while I did notice that my skin was a bit blotchy and itchy... kinda took away from this amazing moment I was having. I'm really hoping it's not poison ivy or some sort of epidermal Beaver Fever. Most likely it was just rashing from the sun and heat, but I'll keep you all updated if I've contracted some sort of new Canadian Wilderness allergy.

In the meantime, I may have skipped class, but I needed my own self-care and to ground myself - remind myself that I can trust the natural world. Other than tripping over some tree roots, it hasn't disappointed me yet. I can't change the entire world. I wish I could, but it's not realistic. I guess I can just teach what I know. And who knows... maybe there will actually be a zombie-ish apocalypse, destroying most of the world and I won't have to worry about the people who work for the evil corporations of the world. And I get it... our economy wouldn't exactly be the same if these big wigs just disappeared one day - but how about not feeding our cows corn. I don't care if it fattens them up... a cow eats grass and should be grazing in pasture. And maybe we should eliminate food additives and chemicals which essentially affect our brain cells, our hormones and are toxic in large doses. And maybe we shouldn't build any more condos until we can expand our transit system and manage our highways/transportation. Just a thought.

I mean, I'm a true believer in Karma. What's goes around comes around (as the great Justin Timberlake would say). If you're going to contribute to the destruction of our earth and of the people on it, be prepared for the universe to shove something ugly up your ass.  - sorry... that's my anger again. I really need to work on that.