I read this amazing article the other day from the Huffington Post on "The Thing All Women Do That You Don't Know About." I had almost forgot the crucial difference between what is considered "normal" and "common". I took a moment to think and reflect about how I had been awkwardly and embarrassingly treated by boys in my past; Something that is common, but that should not be labeled as "normal" male behaviour.
There's a moment when a guy does something inappropriate that makes your skin crawl. Getting my ass pinched this weekend by a man who wasn't my fiancé brought on that feeling and I had to go back to my reflection of the article.
Recently there was an "uproar" in Ontario due to changes in our sexual health education. Some believe that kids in grades 1-6 are just too young to learn about sexual health and sexual behaviour. Today I wanted to share a personal story on why teaching our kids the difference between appropriate and inappropriate (sexual and otherwise) behaviour is so important:
When I was in grade 7 (around 12 years old) I found a note in my desk from a boy I was told had a crush on me. Now, I had seen this before - or so I thought. In grade 4 a shy boy in the class had left me a note in my desk asking me if I'd be his girlfriend, followed with the options: Yes? No? Maybe? And I was to circle one and give the note back to his best friend. It was cute and harmless, and my naive 12-year-old self thought this would be similar. It wasn't.
I opened the letter and it was not what I expected. I was reading a full page (front and back) of this weird dialogue of all the things this boy wanted to do to me; mostly sexual things - some things that I didn't even understand. I actually had to ask a friend what he meant by "cat" - the sentence implying he wanted to fondle and touch my vagina.
I felt like a stone had dropped into my stomach. I felt weird and uncomfortable and I knew right away that it was wrong. I knew I needed to report it immediately.
That recess I took the letter straight to my grade 7 teacher as my so-called friends laughed and said, "You're actually taking that to the teacher?! You're going to get him into so much trouble!" and, "He was probably just messing around." I stuck to my guns - yeah, of course I was going to turn it in. I knew it wasn't right and I never wanted to receive a letter like this again.
My teacher started to read down the page and her face went from caring and smiling, to concerned, and then to something I've never seen from her before. It was like internal rage. I could almost feel her blood boiling as she kept reading. She kept composed as she thanked me for bringing this to her. She said it must have took a lot of courage but that I had done the right thing. She then told me she would take care of it and would come talk to me later.
She approached me shortly afterwards, asking that I come back to the classroom. I walked in the door, the room empty except for her and the two boys that had written the note (one had written it, the other was his "accomplice"). Both of them looked like they had just shit their pants. You don't see 12-year old boys cry very often, and these two were on the verge of loosing it (rightfully so). They knew the severity of the situation and had to apologize with my teacher there as a witness. As a kid, when someone says "I'm sorry" my usual response was "that's okay" - to which my teacher immediately said "No, it's not okay. You can accept their apology but it is definitely not okay."
From there, through high school, university, and even now, I get super irritated and annoyed with unacceptable dumb male behaviour. I don't know how else to describe it. Repeatedly getting honked at while I'm walking down the street, or whistled at, having my ass slapped or pinched. Walking down the hall at high school while a group of 3 teen boys exclaim at me, "Those are the biggest jugs I've ever seen!" - true story. I was horrified. 17 years old with DD's on my chest getting hollered at on a regular basis. In that moment, in the hallway, I made the split decision: I could have punched him in the face or said something - but what would I even say? My brain couldn't process what had just happened fast enough. And if I punched him, well, then I'd be in trouble. So I ignored them and walked away. But that memory and those feelings never left me.
I encourage you to teach your children when they are young: what is acceptable and what is absolutely unacceptable and not tolerated. Boys need to understand that woman are not objects and we don't deserve to be subjected to idiocy just because they're having some sort of urge. Girls need to be taught NOT to shrug this off or ignore it. You are also not "tattling" by reporting it. Truthfully, reporting it might not do anything at all, but you might also be very lucky and have someone, like my grade-7 teacher, who will stand up for you and make it known that this is not acceptable.
This topic isn't even geared at any specific age, but to all human beings. Old men molest toddlers and small children. Middle-aged women get cat-called and sent inappropriate sexual messages on by teens. There's been an increased awareness on this topic because I think most females have just had enough. I'm calling on you to educate your children. Don't be afraid to have these talks. And hopefully the next few generations of human beings will have less incidences of this ridiculous and unacceptable behaviour.
Monday, March 28, 2016
Thursday, March 24, 2016
Is a Type-A personality the new silent killer?
Working Hard
We all have to work at something: bettering ourselves, pushing our careers forward, investing in our relationships, building or "fixing" our homes, taking care of others to help them learn and grow, and reaching our own goals (in addition to making new ones). Sometimes it can be energetically or physically draining, but hard work can go a long way.
When we're just starting out in our careers it's important to keep busy and to put in the time. With anything, it's easy to sit around and do nothing - TOO EASY. Having that motivation and discipline to work hard at something is how we get ahead. Want to get into shape? It's not going to work if you decide to sit on the couch instead of moving your body. Want your business to soar? Having a Facebook page or website isn't enough, we have to hustle, we have to work on projects, make connections, get our names out there.
I wanted to bring awareness around overexerting ourselves. Many of us Type-A personalities love getting stuff done and controlling the organization of it all. We like the final "product" to be perfect, we create our own deadlines, and we can be competitive (either with outside competition or just ourselves).
Some of us really like staying busy. Maybe we work better with the pressure or get bored if there's nothing that needs our attention right away, so we seek more work.
It doesn't really sound bad, does it, being productive or overly productive? It's all in how we handle that much work and if we can achieve balance in our lives. For example, there have been some claims regarding the increased incidence of anxiety, increased stimulant use (including caffeine) and cardiovascular disease in those with Type A personalities. This isn't really far-fetched. We use coffee and other stimulants to keep us going everyday. Remember The Wolf of Wall Street? They used cocaine to wake them up and keep them sharp for such a high-pressure position.
Anxiety, Stress and Cortisol
If we start feeling anxious about deadlines or time crunches, or if we're always in GO-GO-GO mode, this is where our health can start to suffer. Increased feelings of anxiety go hand-in-hand with the "fight-or-flight" response: it's your body's way of dealing with stress, and it's pretty awesome. We need this stress response, but if we are chronically in that state, our body can get tired from being "on guard" all the time.
Cortisol, the main hormone released in this stress response helps your body's efficiency for "fight-or-flight". Cortisol is also important for helping regulate blood sugar, blood pressure and your immune system. The idea is that cortisol comes in when you need it and then after the stressor is gone, the body recovers and is ready for the next "attack".
With chronic stress, we are constantly pumping out cortisol, so much so that our adrenal glands can't keep up with the demand. We also stop responding to those same amounts of cortisol. Your body wants the "fight" to be over so that it can repair, balance and be prepared for the next "attack". Without this recovery phase, it's very easy to experience Adrenal Fatigue (chronically low levels of cortisol).
Adrenal Fatigue and un-regulated cortisol can affect your sleep, blood pressure (feeling light-headed when you stand up), your mood, you may crave salt, feel tired (especially upon waking), have blood sugar crashes, brain fog, and get sick often.
When stress runs our lives, we can be more susceptible to cardiovascular disease, diabetes, depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, infertility, menstrual dysregulation, hypothyroidism. Yes, that's right, your adrenal function is very closely related to your thyroid and sex hormone regulation!
You might feel great now. Maybe working really hard keeps your even more motivated and you feel super accomplished. Those 4-6 hours per night of sleep are enough for you and you're getting stuff done! But this won't always be the case. Our bodies always catch up with us and although you're functioning fine now, you may burn-out a few years down the road, or feel quite debilitated. This is often the pattern I see in Chronic Fatigue Syndrome patients: previously type-A personalities who after 10-20 years have completely burnt out and their body can't keep up anymore.
What's important is the balance: avoiding being overworked by allowing the body to recover. How can you do this?
We all have to work at something: bettering ourselves, pushing our careers forward, investing in our relationships, building or "fixing" our homes, taking care of others to help them learn and grow, and reaching our own goals (in addition to making new ones). Sometimes it can be energetically or physically draining, but hard work can go a long way.
When we're just starting out in our careers it's important to keep busy and to put in the time. With anything, it's easy to sit around and do nothing - TOO EASY. Having that motivation and discipline to work hard at something is how we get ahead. Want to get into shape? It's not going to work if you decide to sit on the couch instead of moving your body. Want your business to soar? Having a Facebook page or website isn't enough, we have to hustle, we have to work on projects, make connections, get our names out there.
I wanted to bring awareness around overexerting ourselves. Many of us Type-A personalities love getting stuff done and controlling the organization of it all. We like the final "product" to be perfect, we create our own deadlines, and we can be competitive (either with outside competition or just ourselves).
Some of us really like staying busy. Maybe we work better with the pressure or get bored if there's nothing that needs our attention right away, so we seek more work.
It doesn't really sound bad, does it, being productive or overly productive? It's all in how we handle that much work and if we can achieve balance in our lives. For example, there have been some claims regarding the increased incidence of anxiety, increased stimulant use (including caffeine) and cardiovascular disease in those with Type A personalities. This isn't really far-fetched. We use coffee and other stimulants to keep us going everyday. Remember The Wolf of Wall Street? They used cocaine to wake them up and keep them sharp for such a high-pressure position.
Anxiety, Stress and Cortisol
If we start feeling anxious about deadlines or time crunches, or if we're always in GO-GO-GO mode, this is where our health can start to suffer. Increased feelings of anxiety go hand-in-hand with the "fight-or-flight" response: it's your body's way of dealing with stress, and it's pretty awesome. We need this stress response, but if we are chronically in that state, our body can get tired from being "on guard" all the time.
Cortisol, the main hormone released in this stress response helps your body's efficiency for "fight-or-flight". Cortisol is also important for helping regulate blood sugar, blood pressure and your immune system. The idea is that cortisol comes in when you need it and then after the stressor is gone, the body recovers and is ready for the next "attack".
With chronic stress, we are constantly pumping out cortisol, so much so that our adrenal glands can't keep up with the demand. We also stop responding to those same amounts of cortisol. Your body wants the "fight" to be over so that it can repair, balance and be prepared for the next "attack". Without this recovery phase, it's very easy to experience Adrenal Fatigue (chronically low levels of cortisol).
Adrenal Fatigue and un-regulated cortisol can affect your sleep, blood pressure (feeling light-headed when you stand up), your mood, you may crave salt, feel tired (especially upon waking), have blood sugar crashes, brain fog, and get sick often.
When stress runs our lives, we can be more susceptible to cardiovascular disease, diabetes, depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, infertility, menstrual dysregulation, hypothyroidism. Yes, that's right, your adrenal function is very closely related to your thyroid and sex hormone regulation!
You might feel great now. Maybe working really hard keeps your even more motivated and you feel super accomplished. Those 4-6 hours per night of sleep are enough for you and you're getting stuff done! But this won't always be the case. Our bodies always catch up with us and although you're functioning fine now, you may burn-out a few years down the road, or feel quite debilitated. This is often the pattern I see in Chronic Fatigue Syndrome patients: previously type-A personalities who after 10-20 years have completely burnt out and their body can't keep up anymore.
What's important is the balance: avoiding being overworked by allowing the body to recover. How can you do this?
- Set boundaries for work: This will look different for everyone but may include putting your phone away or not answering emails for 1-2 hours in the evening (or as soon as you walk in the door!).
- Eat slowly and healthily: Don't eat on the go, or rush your meals. Take the time to enjoy your food. Anxious, stressed or rushed eating will impair digestion. When your body is handling stress it sends all its energy and focus to other places in your body - and away from your gut! Limiting consumption of sugar and processed foods will also help decrease inflammation in the body.
- Limit or eliminate stimulants: Caffeine has been shown to increase cortisol; But you can't use what you don't have (see my post on why coffee might not be working for you). Caffeine can also promote or increase anxiety.
- Get enough sleep! Your body needs to relax, recover and repair.
- Supplement support: 1000mg of vitamin C per day can help support your adrenal glands. You can also talk to your naturopath about which adaptogens (botanicals that support adrenal function and cortisol) would be best for you.
- Give yourself time to relax: Yoga, non-cardio exercise, colouring, working puzzles, playing games, take a bath, get a massage.
- Seek counselling: Sometimes it's nice just to talk to someone, to get things off your chest and to pick up new tools on how to manage stress.
- Remember to breathe: Remind yourself throughout the day to take a few deep breaths. We tend to have very shallow breathing, especially when stressed. Take a nice big slow cleansing breath to relax the nervous system.
Monday, March 14, 2016
10 ways to avoid catching colds and flus
It's that time where we all seem to be sharing our lovely germs. The common cold, flu, bronchitis, sinus infections, ear infections... they're everywhere!
So how can you prevent yourself from catching them? Here are a few tips to ward off those illness-inducing viruses and bacteria when everyone else around you is sick:
1) It goes without saying, but I'll do it anyway: Hand washing. If you shake someone's hand out of politeness, make sure you wash those hands before eating anything, touching your face, or shaking anyone else's hand.
2) In reference to #1, wash your grocery produce. Now imagine all of those people who all shook hands, or who touched a door handle that were sick and now they're at the grocery store picking up tomatoes and testing them for firmness (because that's just a thing we do). Give that tomato a nice thorough rinse with water before cutting into it and adding it to your plate. This can eliminate up to 98% of bacteria on the surface of your fruit and veggies.
3) I'm not one for over-sanitizing, but when everyone else in your house is sick, I'd suggest disinfecting door handles, light switches and faucet handles as these are the easiest to get re-infected.
4) Vitamin C: 1000mg of vitamin C per day is great for your immune system and for your adrenal glands (the ones that deal with stress and secrete a bunch of your hormones). Once you're sick this might not do as much for you, but it's great for prevention!
5) Echinacea and other immune system-modulating botanicals: Talk to your naturopath about a botanical formula that can help your immune system. Certain antiviral herbs and adaptogens (botanicals that support a healthy stress response) can help the functioning of your immune system, boost its response to pathogens and also work on reducing your chances of getting sick. But keep in mind that everyone is different. What gets recommended to you might not be recommended for your bestie or neighbour.
6) FLUIDS! Drink lots of water (about 2L for the average person). Especially if you're feeling a sore throat coming on; drinking water helps to keep things moving down and out of your system.
7) Avoid sugar. A dose of sugar can depress your immune system for up to 6 hours after ingestion.
8) Stress management. Keeping your cool puts less stress on your body and its defences. You might feel fine during periods of high stress, but as soon as you relax again, your immune system also takes a breather and this is often when we get sick. For all the students out there I call it "post-exam period illness".
- work on breathing exercises, go for a walk in nature, journal, practice yoga, sing in the car (or the shower), draw or colour something!
9) Get enough sleep! If you're not getting enough sleep during the week, make it up on weekends. Sleep deficit exists! Rest and recharge your body.
10) Improve your gut health. Eating a diet rich in vegetables, and low in sugars can provide key antioxidants and nutrients to help your body run efficiently. Your naturopath may also recommend certain probiotic strains to assist your gut and immune health.
So how can you prevent yourself from catching them? Here are a few tips to ward off those illness-inducing viruses and bacteria when everyone else around you is sick:
1) It goes without saying, but I'll do it anyway: Hand washing. If you shake someone's hand out of politeness, make sure you wash those hands before eating anything, touching your face, or shaking anyone else's hand.
2) In reference to #1, wash your grocery produce. Now imagine all of those people who all shook hands, or who touched a door handle that were sick and now they're at the grocery store picking up tomatoes and testing them for firmness (because that's just a thing we do). Give that tomato a nice thorough rinse with water before cutting into it and adding it to your plate. This can eliminate up to 98% of bacteria on the surface of your fruit and veggies.
3) I'm not one for over-sanitizing, but when everyone else in your house is sick, I'd suggest disinfecting door handles, light switches and faucet handles as these are the easiest to get re-infected.
4) Vitamin C: 1000mg of vitamin C per day is great for your immune system and for your adrenal glands (the ones that deal with stress and secrete a bunch of your hormones). Once you're sick this might not do as much for you, but it's great for prevention!
5) Echinacea and other immune system-modulating botanicals: Talk to your naturopath about a botanical formula that can help your immune system. Certain antiviral herbs and adaptogens (botanicals that support a healthy stress response) can help the functioning of your immune system, boost its response to pathogens and also work on reducing your chances of getting sick. But keep in mind that everyone is different. What gets recommended to you might not be recommended for your bestie or neighbour.
6) FLUIDS! Drink lots of water (about 2L for the average person). Especially if you're feeling a sore throat coming on; drinking water helps to keep things moving down and out of your system.
7) Avoid sugar. A dose of sugar can depress your immune system for up to 6 hours after ingestion.
8) Stress management. Keeping your cool puts less stress on your body and its defences. You might feel fine during periods of high stress, but as soon as you relax again, your immune system also takes a breather and this is often when we get sick. For all the students out there I call it "post-exam period illness".
- work on breathing exercises, go for a walk in nature, journal, practice yoga, sing in the car (or the shower), draw or colour something!
9) Get enough sleep! If you're not getting enough sleep during the week, make it up on weekends. Sleep deficit exists! Rest and recharge your body.
10) Improve your gut health. Eating a diet rich in vegetables, and low in sugars can provide key antioxidants and nutrients to help your body run efficiently. Your naturopath may also recommend certain probiotic strains to assist your gut and immune health.
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